Satire

    How Short is Too Short?

Maya Bryant 

413/400

Lace short shorts provided by retoxmagazine.com 

Global warming affects us year round but it is most evident during those spring and summer heat waves.  According to meteorologist, Jillian Macmath’s calculations, “…periods of warmer-than-normal temperatures will come…during the course of this summer”. When the news about the ‘warmer-than-normal’ summer spread, designers took it upon themselves to create a wardrobe that would be appropriate for a “warmer-than-normal” summer.

         Because the summer is expected to be so hot, clothes have been made with a cutting edge new fabric that is known for being extremely thin. They created a new fabric called Nothot. Nothot is a fabric that is known for how thin and heat preventing it is. But with this new material comes many cautions. If Nothot gets wet, it constricts and people are advised to remove it immediately. Also, you shouldn’t wear it in cold temperatures because it will prevent you from absorbing heat.

         With crop tops becoming ever so popular with female fashion, some designers decided that its time for the crop top to get even more cropped. Bandoos have become the new tank top. This thin shirt not only helps keep you cool but, you can also tan without having to worry about strap lines on your neck. Expect to see half naked people everywhere.

         The definition of “short shorts” has definitely changed due to a new designer pair of lace-jean shorts. These shorts will almost make you feel like you’re wearing nothing but you underwear. But, because of how little cloth they’re made up of, they are guaranteed to not make you anymore hot than if you were just wearing regular shorts.

            Not only are short shorts in this summer but, ripped short shorts are in. Because of the shortness of last years shorts, designers were stumped when it came to creating a new summer line. It almost seems that every year, girls clothing gets shorter and the trends for this summer always must be shorter than those of the last.

  Vacation of a Lifetime

By: Dallas West
Word count: 463/400-600

Family packing the car for their awesome summer vacation

Photo courtesy of mosbybuildingarts.com

Has your family ran out of ideas for where to vacation this summer? Here is a list of four desirable locations you and your children will be sure to love.

#1

“The Backyard” 

      The Backyard with all the tents set up

        Photo courtesy of trailerbroker.com

This spot will be fun for the whole family. It was built to resemble your average backyard and is filled with different sports balls and activities like you have at home! There is a tent set up for overnights as well! The average rate for a full day is $100 and overnight is $200. You get everything you have in your own backyard--and a tent! There are also generally 2-3 additional families staying with you in this yard, so it gets a little crowded, but there is always someone for the kids to play with! If you want to rent the place to yourself for a whole day and overnight, the price is only $500! This spot will be sure to feel like you are right back at home on your awesome summer vacation!

#2

“Tornado Alley”

Now although the name is a tad intimidating, Tornado Alley consists of five different states Kansas, Missouri, Nebraska, Iowa and South Dakota. Taking a road trip through these states (especially if you have never been) will be fun for everyone. The best part, however, is the very big chance of seeing a tornado in person!!! That will be a sight to see despite being somewhat dangerous. Sometimes you have to live on the wild side, though. Just think, when you return from vacation, you will have one heck of a story to tell!

#3

“Seattle, Washington”

 

Seattle Space Needle during a rainstorm 

Photo courtesy of icee3.com

Seattle, otherwise known as the Emerald City, is a perfect place to escape the sun and heat of the summer. The weather is typically cool yet humid and rainy which is said to be more enjoyable than the scorching heat of most other states. There are very few outdoor activities for you to enjoy because whenever you plan something, it will probably rain. You can spend your summer indoors seeing movies (can be pricy), watching tv, and everything else people usually avoid in the summer!

#4

“College Road Trip”

Last but not least, the college road trip. Most parents wait until their children are sixteen or seventeen to do this, so no one really considers it before then. But,  why not get a head start? Bring your middle school kids, elementary school kids; hey--even your preschoolers will benefit from it! Why wait? It is never too early to get the kids excited (maybe a little stressed) about college. Get a head start this summer, or every summer, in order to save the money you would normally be spending on an average summer vacation. The time to prepare for college is now, whether they are four or fourteen.